Letting Go Of Perfectionism: Allowing Myself To Grow

The Student

I was a straight A student. Teachers loved me. I aced exams. On paper, I was bound for success.

Then I graduated and reality hit.

No one looked at my diploma. No one cared that I could pass an exam. No one cared where I went to school, what I studied, or how well I did.

None of it mattered.

Once I realized what I did in school didn’t translate to real life, all I was left with was this desire for “perfectionism”. Everything I did, I had to prove I was still that straight A student.

This need for perfectionism left me feeling stuck. I couldn’t impress anyone anymore. I could never amount to what I was when I was student. I was left feeling helpless.

I’d have an idea, pivot, burn myself out, and quit. I failed to launch because nothing was good enough anymore.

Even hobbies - things I did for enjoyment - felt impossible because I couldn’t bear to be “bad” at anything anymore.

While everyone else I knew climbed the corporate ladder, pivoted in their careers, and started businesses, all I could do was clock-in and clock-out.

Motherhood

My son was born. Motherhood will humble the shit out of you. Once again, I felt like a failure.

No matter how many books I read, podcasts I listened to, research I did, I was doing everything wrong.

It didn’t help that I’d get messages confirming I was doing everything wrong. As if I wasn’t already feeling overwhelmed and like a failure, I had people telling me I was. Well-meaning friends and family, literally making me cry.

But as time went on and I settled into this new identity, I realized something important: motherhood was never going to be perfect. All I could do, and all I was doing, was my best. Witnessing all the laughter, joy, and love in my house, I knew I was doing motherhood perfectly imperfect.

Something shifted and suddenly I felt like I was killing it. I’m a good mom. No, I’m a great mom.

If I could be my happiest and do it without the need to be perfect, without doing things completely right, why couldn’t I apply that to other areas of my life?

Self

I decided I wouldn’t let my idea of perfectionism stop me anymore. If I show kindness and patience to my son, I could do the same for myself. In fact, I owed it to my son to show love to myself.

I started again. I went back to hobbies I haven’t touched in years. I picked up my camera. I opened my sketchbook. I practiced and learned.

I found joy in the things I love again, not perfection.

I’m allowing myself –

To suck.

To be embarrassed.

To feel dumb.

To feel inadequate.

I’m allowing myself to do things for the sake of doing them. I’m no longer shaming myself for not being good enough. I’m finally giving myself a chance to grow.

And guess what? I’m better than I’ve ever been before.