Building Confidence as a Shy Introvert

As a shy introvert, I have doubts. I question my actions.

Was I good enough? Did I do something dumb?

Every social interaction leaves me with anxiety and drains my energy.

Did I say something dumb?

In a seemingly extroverted world, it can be hard to navigate how to build confidence when every move I make gets my heart beating out of my chest.

But just like anything else, building confidence is a skill that can be learned. Once I learned I was capable of being confident, opportunities started revealing themselves. Leadership opportunities, fashion shows, events, being in front of a camera, and owning a business – none of it would have been possible if I didn’t do the work.

Now as I enter new phase of life, I want to continue building my confidence to a level I never have before. Here is what I’m doing:

Celebrating Small Wins

Setting big, lofty goals is my go-to, but it can be hard to feel confident when achieving them feels so far away.

Setting smaller, more achievable goals that are slightly out of my comfort zone will give me the confidence boost I need.

Asking a question in a group setting. Talking to a stranger in the grocery store. Speaking up in a meeting.

Things that make me uncomfy, but I know I can do.

And when those goals are achieved, I’m celebrating. Those victories are being acknowledged, which gives me momentum and shows some real progress in my confidence journey. Celebrating looks like internal validation, documenting in my journal, or letting someone else know.

Focus on my Strengths

 Introverts have unique strengths. We are deep thinkers, have strong listening skills, and have an ability to focus that is unmatched.

Reminding myself of these strengths makes me feel more competent and boosts my confidence.

Outside of introvert specific strengths, focusing on my personal strengths allows me to engage in activities that align with them, significantly boosting my confidence.

Reframe Negative Self-Talk

I’m my harshest critic. I’m good at talking poorly about myself. Being hard on myself isn’t going to change anything about my life though. In fact, it’s setting me back.

If you look at anyone who has had any level of success, they didn’t get where they are by telling themselves they couldn’t do it. They showed up, did the work.

Instead of saying “I can’t do it,” I’m choosing to tell myself, “I’m learning.”

And it’s true.

I’m blogging when I’m not ready. I’m making scrappy videos. I started a design business from ground zero. I’m starting now so I can be confident later.

I’m taking those negative thoughts and replacing them with positive or realistic affirmations. This gives me the confidence to keep going, keep building.

Prepare for Social Situations

Nothing makes me panic more than being invited to something unexpectedly.

God forbid I need to attend two social engagements in one day (I have cried literal tears over this).

But I still make an appearance. Just because I panic, doesn’t mean I don’t want to go. I love doing things (please keep inviting me!). So, what to do?

I plan.

I research the venue. I look at the menu ahead of time.

I find out who will be there. I have conversation starters prepared, and an exit plan figured out.

Having control makes me more confident in showing up and reduces my feelings of overwhelm.

Just because I’m scared of social situations doesn’t mean I never want to take part in them. I just need a strategy for feeling confident while I’m there.

Oh, There’s More

Like I said before, confidence has been a lifelong pursuit. With my journey of confidence has come a lot of strategies and lessons. In fact, I don’t think I can fit all my current strategies in one post. So, stay tuned for Part 2!

What strategies are you using to build confidence this year?